ali97's Blog

6 a.m. Christmas morning.
No shadows,
No reflections here.
Lying cheek to cheek
In your cold embrace.

So soft and so tragic
As a slaughterhouse.
You press the knife
Against your heart.
And say,
"I love you, so much you must kill me now."

I love you
So much
You must kill me now.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.
If I was your vampire,
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face,
Because I think
Our time has come.

Digging your smile apart
With my spade-tounge.
The hole is where the heart is.
We built this tomb together,
And I won't fill it alone.
Beyond the pale
Everything is black,
No turning back.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.

If I was your vampire,
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face,
Because I think
Our time has come

Blood-stained sheets
In the shape of your heart,
This is where it starts...
Blood-stained sheets
In the shape of your heart,
This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

6:19 and I know I'm ready
Drive me off the mountain.
You'll burn,
I'll eat your ashes.
The impossible wheels seducing
Our corpse.

If I was your vampire,
Certain as the moon,
Instead of killing time,
We'll have each other
Until the sun.
If I was your vampire
Death waits for no one.
Hold my hands
Across your face
Because I think
Our time has come.

Beyond the pale
Everything is black
No turning back.
Beyond the pale
Everything's black
No turning back.

This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

This is where it starts.
This is where it will end.
Here comes the moon again.

Here comes the moon again

Here comes the moon again

 

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be 

And I don't want to go home right now


And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight


And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am


And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive


And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am


And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am


And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day


I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

Let me empty

Oh and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight


In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear


You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here


So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back 

The storm keeps on twisting

Keep on building the lies

That you make up for all that you lack


It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe

In this sweet madness

Oh this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees


In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear


You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of an angel

May you find some comfort here


You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here ~ Sarah McLachlan

There's something wrong with me and I'm not quite sure why. I am developing an eating disorder I think. I've never really thought much about what I eat, but lately, food is my enemy. It's almost five and all I've eaten today is carrots, and I've drank like two bottles of water. I don't really know what started it, maybe it was being called fat one too many things, but I don't think so. For a few months now every time I look in the mirror all I see is fat. I don't see anything good about it. I just see something disgusting that no one can possibly find attractive. I never feel good enough for anybody, and so my weight just makes it worse. I always thought that I was pretty okay. I mean I knew I wasn't super skinny, but I never thought that I was super fat either. Lately though I've had this really bad habit of picking out all of my flaws. I know that no one is perfect, but I'm having problems with this. I have tried eating healthier and exercising, but it doesn't really work well enough for me. So slowly my eating has lessened to the point that now I am a little bit concerned. I eat less everyday, and I know that it is bad, but I just don't want to eat. I have started paying attention to calories. I don't even like drinking tea anymore, too many calories for me. I've been drinking Propel, but I noticed today there are like twenty calories in it, and I would rather drink Fiji or something that has zero calories. I'll trade flavor for no calories. It's just weird. I don't like being this way. I was always the person that said I don't understand the girls with eating disorders, but now I'm one of them. Ironic right? My weakness is chocolate. I really like it and yesterday I binged on some, and I almost went into the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. I didn't though, I just figure I won't eat it anymore. Maybe a square of dark chocolate now and then, but that's it. It makes me feel even more fucked up because I'm the only one that seems to think I'm not good enough. Everyone else tells me I'm beautiful and I don't need to change, but I just don't see it. I'm trying to eat, I really am, but I'm having trouble with it. I know Will wants me to, and he's really the only reason I haven't stopped eating altogether yet. I'm trying really hard, but I have issues with the whole situation. Everything has calories and it all makes me fat, and I hate it. I really wish I could get over it, and I'm trying hard, but. . .